(Embodied) Connect & Care Theory

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Modes

The (Embodied) Connect and Care Theory (# see footer) draws on the interdisciplinary framework of Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) by Daniel J. Siegel and the Polyvagal theory by Stephen Porges to offer my own simplified, non-technical way of understanding non-clinical, mental health, relationship and interpersonal difficulties by splitting the brain into three unique speciality modes that arise sequentially into each other from conception. 1-Embodied) Connect & Care mode, 2-Right mode, 3-Left mode.

Where the two upper modes represent the specialities of our right brain (emotional self and feelings) and left brain (thoughts, logic, and cognitions), the lower mode of (Embodied) Connect and Care (body sensations, non-verbal bonding, and interoception) represents the foundational core of being human, the source of humanity and the heartfelt drives and energies of the body, hidden just beneath the mind. All three modes were meant to work together, grounded in our (Embodied) Connect and Care experiences during the initial setting up of the brain to last us a lifetime.

(Embodied) Connect & Care mode - Authentic Self, Body sensations, Bonding, Non verbal, Sensations, Bonding needs, Implicit drives, Openness, Implicit unencoded memory, Acceptance, Gratitude, Kindness, Non-conscious, Curiosity, Seeking, Altruism, Forgiveness, Humility, Play, Joy, Unconditional positive regard, Empathic concern, Shared understanding, Exploratory, Interoception

Right mode - Emotional Self, Feelings, Emotions, Language limited, Interpreted body sensations, Agency - Physiological needs, Connections to others, Broad focus of attention, Autobiographical memory, Context, Abstract meaning, Analogue, Semi-conscious, Subjective meaning, Patterns, Possibilities, Parallel

Left mode - Mental Self, Thoughts / Cognitions, Logic / Display Rules, Language dominant. Interpreted feelings. Certainty - Safety needs. Communication to others. Narrow focus of attention. Factual memory, Content, Literal meaning, Digital, Consciousness, Literal meaning. Facts, Absolutes, Sequential

Networks

Our autonomic (automatic) nervous system delivers energy, information and blood flow, through seven primary, motivational neural networks (pathways), that shape all three modes and functions within and through the brain.

Three core motivational networks^

Bonding network (Joining - Sharing) - The drive for relational connection. When blocked can lead to failure, sadness, despondency, separation distress.
Agency network (Physiological needs) - The drive to have our physiological needs met. (Air, food, shelter, clothing, homeostasis, etc) When blocked, can lead to frustration, irritation, anger, fury, rage and can also drive us to force or punish another to meet our unmet needs.
Certainty network (Safety needs) - The drive for predictability, safety and protection. When blocked can lead to fright, fear, uncertainty and can drive us to escape a situation, inhibit bodily sensations or pull away from or control those around us to ensure self-preservation.

When our three core motivational networks are working together, a further 4 motivational networks become available to us.

Motivation network - (Exploratory / Seeking) The drive to explore, investigate, and search the world for new experiences.
Desire network - (Sexuality / Intimacy / Lust) The drive for connection, mating or reproduction.
Care network - (Nurturance / Caregiving) The drive towards empathic concern and care for the well-being of a vulnerable individual, to nurture practically, emotionally & embodied.
Joy network - (Play / Excitement) The drive for bonding and social interaction.

^Jaak Panksepp coined the term “Affective Neuroscience” and described seven primary emotional systems called Seeking, Care, Play, and Lust on the positive side, whereas FEAR, ANGER and SADNESS belong to negative affects. Dan Siegel's "Interpersonal Neurobiology" also names seven motivational neural networks of Caretaking, Exploratory, Play, Sexuality on the positive side plus Certainty, Agency and Bonding which can also turn into the negative states of FEAR, ANGER and SADNESS. The (Embodied) Connect & Care Theory follows the Interpersonal Neurobiology theme with some slight alterations.

Memory

The autonomic (automatic) nervous system is responsible for choosing for us where we focus our attention and which way it needs to shift our physiological state using an unconscious evaluating process called neuroception (Polyvagal Theory). Our experiences are stored into three unique memory locations which rely on interconnected brain regions.

- Implicit unencoded memory - Conception to 18 months - Bodily sensation and autonomic (automatic) nervous system impulses are stored as unencoded implicit memories (memories acquired and used unconsciously and can affect thoughts and behaviours) because the brain's explicit memory and narrative systems are not yet mature. Implicit memory relies heavily on the cerebellum and subcortical structures like the basal ganglia rather than the conscious areas of the cerebral cortex.
- Explicit Autobiographical memory - Around 12 months - We shift into explicit memory to start recording subjective awareness, encoding and meaning to our implicit (embodied) connect and care body sensations, and store them as explicit, autobiographical memories (conscious personal history that defines who one is across time and contexts) in the right mode.
- Explicit Factual memory - Around 3 years - We add mental and learnt interpretations of our feelings and shared connect and care experiences, and store them as explicit, factual memories (conscious factual knowledge that has been acquired through life) in the left mode.

"During early brain development we were meant to bond, join and share a coregulated experience with many others (a village), who makes us important to them, in an equal to, or greater connected and caring experience of subjective meaning. Anything lesser can create enduring consequences across the whole lifespan."

Challenging Early Experiences

The autonomic nervous system is responsible for choosing for us, which way it needs to shift us to meet our safety, physiological and bonding needs. Fear (frightened), Anger (frustrated) or Sadness (failure) are unbonded, reactive nervous system survival states, that when triggered, can become our traits over time, wrapping around our newly emerging minds and identities. These early states can stay with us across the whole lifespan, stored as unencoded implicit, unconscious memories that can produce unhelpful behaviours, sensations, images, feelings and thoughts in the present moment that we wouldn't have otherwise chosen.

Nearly all of us view a person's presenting behaviour as a true representation of whom they really are. But the (Embodied) Connect and Care Theory sees unhelpful behaviours as clues to difficult experiences faced early in life, that prevented them from receiving the full and rich, connected and cared for experience that they were meant to receive. A shift from "What is wrong with you?" to "What happened to you?"

(Embodied) Connect and Care Theory

Core Concepts

Three Brain Modes: Identifies the foundational (Embodied) Connect and Care mode - (body sensations, non-verbal bonding, and interoception), the Right mode - (emotional self and feelings), and the Left mode - (thoughts, logic, and cognitions).
Behaviour as a Clue: Interprets difficult or unhealthy actions as protective adaptations or signals of early developmental distress rather than pathology.
Somatic Awareness: Emphasises moving away from rigid textbook clinical structures toward interoceptive awareness and the mirroring of authentic, shared human connection provided by a super coregulator (Conduit).
Interoceptive Healing: Unexpected healing outcomes through co-regulated interoceptive awareness interventions. Stepping back from the mind's construct and any expectation of the outcome.

Application and Approach

Neuroeducation: Utilises concepts inspired by Interpersonal Neurobiology and the Polyvagal Theory to help people understand their underlying vulnerabilities.
Story and Meaning: Helps individuals build a "new good enough" narrative of their past so they can recognise autonomic nervous system states and triggers as well as unmet needs and move forward with a more integrated system.

The Super Coregulator

It was while working on a national suicide crisis line where I noticed that it was the most disconnected, depressed and suicidal who were also the most authentic and kindest people ever. They could take me with them into this profound mode of joining that arose in the absence of our words and feelings, a place of gratitude, where authenticity, vulnerability, curiosity, openness, acceptance, forgiveness and kindness arose to give them the permission to seek safety, security and hope. Interestingly, it was by stepping back from our minds construct that helped open our inner neural pathways to our (embodied) connect and care mode.

In amongst these callers were the mislabelled Super Coregulators (Appeasers) trying to fit into a world they were shaped into to serve others at the neglect of themselves. These highly sensitive and skilled individuals with early lived experiences of having to project safety and calm in the face of terror, family violence and or sibling dysregulation. Able to unconsciously convince a perpetrators nervous system that they were on their side, while remaining themselves, in an unbonded state of sadness.

A Super Coregulators sees the world differently as they have lived their early experiences beneath the mind, in their own suffering without another. Only another Super Coregulator can guide them towards understanding their super powers and purpose otherwise they will remain invisible to themselves.

The following is a list of Super Coregulator behavioural clues that closely align with the foundational core of being human and the insatiable desire to serve humanity -

Naturally hold their arms close to the body so as to not appear threatening
Body movements are gentle and smooth
Their attempts to engage their caregiver were met with rejection and system collapse
Siblings expected their calm but gave little in return
Considered too sensitive in an intensive environment
Intolerant of control or anger
Voice pitch is calming
Facial expression is full and rich
Insatiable desire to serve others
Unselfish concern for the well being of another (Altruistic)
Carry with them an inner dread
Highly attuned inner feedback system
Unconditional regard for others
Empathic concern for the well-being of another
Constantly maintaining their inner calm so as not to dysregulate those around them
Curiosity, Acceptance
Open to many possibilities (can be hard to find certainty)
Cheekiness
Broad focus of awareness

The (Embodied) Connect and Care Theory & Interpersonal Neurobiology

Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) shows us a way of differentiating and linking our two upper brain modes to form a cohesive narrative of our past and move us towards healthy brain integration, awareness, vitality and well-being. IPNB might sound confronting but it is basically a way of understanding how the mind, body and our relationships with others and within ourselves, all shape our developing brains.

The (Embodied) Connect and Care Theory goes further to suggest a third mode, our (embodied) connect and care mode, a wordless mode that arises in the absence of nervous system reactivity while being guided by the care and trust of an authentic other, who can project an accurate representation of their own (embodied) connect and care interiority.

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