(Embodied) Connect & Care Theory

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The (Embodied) Connect and Care Theory (# see footer) draws on the interdisciplinary framework of Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) by Daniel J. Siegel and the Polyvagal theory by Stephen Porges to offer a simplified, non-technical way of understanding non-clinical, mental health, relationship and interpersonal difficulties by splitting the brain into three unique speciality modes that arise sequentially into each other from conception. 1-(Embodied) Connect & Care mode, 2- (Right) Feeling mode, 3- (Left) Thinking mode.

Where the two upper modes represent the specialities of our right hemisphere (emotional self and feelings) and the left hemisphere (thoughts, logic, and cognitions), the lower mode of (Embodied) Connect and Care (body sensations, non-verbal bonding, and interoception) represents the foundational core of being human, the source of humanity and the heartfelt drives and energies of the body, hidden just beneath the mind in the lower subcortical region of the brain. All three modes were meant to work together, grounded in our (Embodied) Connect and Care experiences with a responsive other, during the initial setting up of the brain.

Click drop down arrow to view some of the specialities of each mode

(Embodied) Connect & Care mode - Conception to 18 months - Seeks Bonding, Authentic self, Body sensations, Implicit unencoded memory, Body states, Non-conscious, Non verbal, Bonding to others, Internal focus of attention (Interoception), Vibrational, Subjective meaning, Shared understanding, Internal feedback system, Acceptance, Error correction, Gratitude – Forgiveness, Altruistic - Kindness

(Right) Feeling mode - Maturates over the first 2 years from birth - Seeks Agency (Physiological Needs), Emotional self, Felt interpretations of body sensations, Autobiographical memory, Feelings – Emotions, Semi-conscious, Language limited, Connections to others, Broad focus of attention, Context, Abstract meaning, Analogue - Multiple Ideas, Conduit mode, Parallel, Possibilities, Patterns - Intuitive – Spatial, Methodical

(Left) Thinking mode - Comes online around 3 years - Seeks Certainty (Safety Needs), Intellectual self, Mental interpretations of body sensations, Factual memory, Thoughts – Cognitions, Consciousness, Language dominant, Communication to others, Narrow focus of attention, Content, Literal meaning, Digital - On / Off Right / Wrong, Construct mode, Sequential, Absolutes (Facts), Logic - Display Rules - Rules based, Careful

A balanced system draws on the specialities of each mode while remaining grounded in our foundational core mode of (Embodied) Connect and Care. Unexpected experiences can result in an unbalanced system where we lateralise the functions and specialities of one mode over the other modes to eventually shape an early unbalanced mindset that stays with us across the whole lifespan, without us knowing that it resides within us.

In the initial setting up of the brain, there are seven primary neural networks that require a consistent, equal to or greater, serve and return experience with an important and responsive other, who makes us important to them. Under-activation or over-activation of any one or a combination of these networks can have a huge affect on how we go on to see and interact in the world, across the whole lifespan. These seven core brain networks cannot map, mature or stabilise correctly without receiving responsive, back-and-forth interactions.

Click drop down arrow to view the specialities of each network

Three core motivational networks^

Bonding network (Joining - Sharing) - The drive for relational connection.

Agency network (Physiological needs) - The drive to have our physiological needs met. (Air, food, shelter, clothing, homeostasis, etc)

Certainty network (Safety needs) - The drive for predictability, safety and protection.

Four remaining motivational networks become available to us once our three core network needs are fully met.

Motivation network - (Exploratory / Seeking) The drive to explore, investigate, and search the world for new experiences.

Desire network - (Sexuality / Intimacy / Lust) The drive for connection, mating or reproduction.

Care network - (Nurturance / Caregiving) The drive towards empathic concern and care for the well-being of a vulnerable individual, to nurture practically, emotionally & embodied.

Joy network - (Play / Excitement) The drive for bonding and social interaction.

^Jaak Panksepp coined the term “Affective Neuroscience” and described seven primary emotional systems called Seeking, Care, Play, and Lust on the positive side, whereas FEAR, ANGER and SADNESS belong to negative affects. Dan Siegel's "Interpersonal Neurobiology" also names seven motivational neural networks of Caretaking, Exploratory, Play, Sexuality on the positive side plus Certainty, Agency and Bonding which can also turn into the negative states of FEAR, ANGER and SADNESS. The (Embodied) Connect & Care Theory follows the Interpersonal Neurobiology theme with some slight alterations.

The autonomic (automatic) nervous system tries to maintain calm (homoeostasis) by choosing for us, where we focus our attention and which way it needs to shift our physiological state using an unconscious evaluating process called neuroception (Polyvagal Theory). Neuroception is your nervous system's unconscious process of scanning the environment and our bodies for cues of safety, danger, or life-threat.

Its our Soul, Life force, Inner Essence, Chi, Prana, Reiki, Spirituality, Godliness, what we wish to call it, that drives heartfelt energy via our autonomic nervous system through seven primary subcortical motivational neural networks that will shape our three speciality modes in ways that nature expected for healthy brain development.

During early brain development our experiences are stored into three unique memory types that arise sequentially into each other from conception. Where implicit memories operate unconsciously, explicit memories rely heavily on the hippocampus for conscious recall of facts and events.

Click drop down arrow to view memory types

Implicit unencoded memory - Relies heavily on subcortical functions - Bodily sensation and autonomic (automatic) nervous system impulses are stored as unencoded implicit memories (memories acquired and used unconsciously and can affect thoughts and behaviours) because the brain's explicit memory and narrative systems are not yet mature. Implicit memory relies heavily on the cerebellum and subcortical structures like the basal ganglia rather than the conscious areas of the cerebral cortex.

Explicit Autobiographical memory - Relies heavily on right-hemisphere functions - A record of subjective awareness, encoding and meaning added to our implicit (embodied) connect and care body sensations, and store as explicit, autobiographical memories (conscious personal history that defines who one is across time and contexts)

Explicit Factual memory - Relies heavily on left-hemisphere functions - A record of mental and learnt interpretations of our feelings and shared connect and care experiences, stored as explicit, factual memories (conscious factual knowledge that has been acquired through life)

When others makes us important to them at an early age, join with us, love us, bond with us, connect and care about us while providing for our comfort, physiological and safety needs, our central nervous system stores and records these events into pure, unencoded implicit memory and moves us to activate the same neural pathways and modes within ourselves, to give back in return. Our experiences create subjective meaning through heartfelt energy, information and blood flowing freely within our bodies, networks, modes, thoughts, feelings and arising minds, to shape our identities and the resulting behaviours that serve others in the process of serving ourselves. Over days, weeks and months, we become what we are given.

Our (embodied) connect and care mode could be considered a phenomenon that cannot be readily explained or accessed in rational or emotional terms. It might be best described as early adaptive and reciprocal actions and behaviours of synchronicity within ourselves and between another from the care provided together contingently, the reciprocity of the mutual beneficial exchanges of support, joy, care and concern, the vibrational, somatic resonance of being securely attached and attuned to each other's emotional and psychological needs, the co-regulation required for homeostasis harmony and the comfort and knowing that we are seen, soothed, safe and secure in the unconditional shared experiences and non-judgemental minds and memories of another that is meant to last us a lifetime.

"During early brain development we were meant to bond, join and share a coregulated experience with many others (a village), who makes us important to them, in an equal to, or greater connected and caring experience of subjective meaning. Anything lesser can create enduring consequences across the whole lifespan."

If our autonomic nervous system fails to receive the foundational (embodied) connect and care experiences that it is highly dependent upon, where our caregiver/s cannot fully access their own (embodied) connect and care state of mind due to things like fear, depression, isolation, anxiety, stress, distraction or we suffer from illness, sickness, genetic disorders, difficult temperament or any other developmental irregularity, etc, we can become disengaged and dysregulated from them and fail to receive the experiences that nature depended on us receiving from another.

The autonomic nervous system is responsible for choosing for us, which way it needs to shift us to meet our safety, physiological and bonding needs. Fear (frightened), Anger (frustrated) or Sadness (failure) are unbonded, reactive nervous system survival states, that when triggered, can become our traits over time, wrapping around our newly emerging minds and identities.

Beneath these mobilised, immobilised and various sub states are seven primary motivational neural networks that when blocked from receiving the (embodied) connect and care we were meant to receive by early frightening, frustrating and unbonded experiences, went on to separate our three speciality modes from their intended task of working together in harmony.

Early states can stay with us across the whole lifespan, stored as unencoded implicit, impulses and unconscious memories that can produce unhelpful behaviours, sensations, images, feelings and thoughts in the present moment during challenging situations.

We can blame and punish others for their failures or we can choose in this next moment, to go back to our past and embrace ourselves for the suffering we endured with kindness, understanding and hope. The very specialities of our (embodied) connect and care mode. Over time, that grows completely different neural pathways, while diminishing the ones that our nervous system created, with good intentions in the past for our survival, that constantly keeps hold over us in the present.

Click drop down arrow to view the unhelpful behaviours aligned with each mode -

(Embodied) Connect & Care mode - SADNESS, COLLAPSE, Driven by blocked Bonding network, Unmet Bonding needs, Failure, Resignation, Emotionally unavailable, Fractured – Shutdown, Disorganised / Dissociated, Self-protection, Downcast facial expressions, Self-survival, Prefer aloneness – isolation, Tonic Immobilisation, You can't see me, Disempowered, Parasympathetic Immobilisation, I Give Up!, Recipient of unfair and unjust judgements, Hypovigilance, Hopelessness - Helplessness

(Right) Feeling mode - ANGER, POWER, Driven by blocked Agency network, Unmet Physiological needs, Frustration, Chaos, Emotionally overwhelmed, Intrusive – Preoccupied, Ambivalent, Self serving, Exaggerated facial expressions, Selfish - Self-centered, Prefer relationships, Move towards, I'm angry with you!, Manager – Punisher, Sympathetic mobilisation, It's all your fault!, Manipulation, Anxiety, Irritation - Frustration - Anger - Rage – Fury

(Left) Thinking mode - FEAR, CONTROL, Driven by blocked Certainty network, Unmet Safety needs, Fright – Uncertainty, Rigidity - Rules based, Emotionally distant, Controlling – Dismissing, Avoidant, Self serving, Blunt facial expressions, Selfish - Self-centered, Prefer independence, Move away, I'll tell you what to do!, Controller – Dismisser, Sympathetic mobilisation, You have your opinion but I'm right!, Impulsivity, Hypervigilance, Impatient - Control - Dichotomous thinking

'The (Embodied) Connect and Care Theory describes an embodied state of deep human connection that goes beyond standard rational or emotional explanations.'

(Embodied) Connect and Care Theory

Core Concepts

Three Brain Modes: Identifies the foundational (Embodied) Connect and Care mode - (body sensations, non-verbal bonding, and interoception), the Right mode - (emotional self and feelings), and the Left mode - (thoughts, logic, and cognitions).
Behaviour as a Clue: Interprets difficult or unhealthy actions as protective adaptations or signals of early developmental distress rather than pathology.
Somatic Awareness: Emphasises moving away from rigid textbook clinical structures toward interoceptive awareness and the mirroring of authentic, shared human connection provided by a super coregulator (Conduit).
Interoceptive Healing: Unexpected healing outcomes through co-regulated interoceptive awareness interventions. Stepping back from the mind's construct and any expectation of the outcome.

Application and Approach

Neuroeducation: Utilises concepts inspired by Interpersonal Neurobiology and the Polyvagal Theory to help people understand their underlying vulnerabilities.
Story and Meaning: Helps individuals build a "new good enough" narrative of their past so they can recognise autonomic nervous system states and triggers as well as unmet needs and move forward with a more integrated system.

In Search of The Super Coregulator

**This section under edit**

A Super Co-regulator (Appeaser) is a unique hybrid autonomic nervous system state that has recently been identified by Dr Stephen Porges (Polyvagal Theory). They see the world differently as they have lived their early experiences beneath the mind, in their own suffering without another. They will remain invisible to themselves until another Super Co-regulator sees their super powers and can guide them towards their life purpose. They maintain a neutral and warm stance in amongst others who are dysregulated.

The following is a list of Super Co-regulator behavioural clues that closely align with the foundational core of being human and the insatiable desire to serve humanity -

Naturally hold their arms close to the body so as to not appear threatening
Body movements are gentle and smooth
Their attempts to engage their caregiver were met with rejection and system collapse
Siblings expected their calm but gave little in return
Considered too sensitive in an insensitive environment
Intolerant of control or anger
Voice pitch is calming
Facial expression is full and rich
Insatiable desire to serve others
Unselfish concern for the well being of another (Altruistic)
Carry with them an inner dread
Highly attuned to their inner feedback system
Unconditional regard for others
Empathic concern for the well-being of another
Constantly maintaining their inner calm so as not to dysregulate those around them
Curiosity, Acceptance
Open to many possibilities (can be hard to find certainty)
Cheekiness
Broad focus of awareness
Apologetic for disconnecting from their partner when needing to narrow their attention

More information to be added

Misc

This ever expanding, modern and complex world we are born into, demands our attention and rewards our two upper modes of mental toughness and emotional discipline. But it comes at a cost, the cost of our lower mode of (embodied) connect and care, gifted to us by nature from birth, displaced by a reactive nervous system’s convincing argument, that our foundational core mode, the baseline of being human, is far too weak to be of any value.

We are so much more than what we think or feel yet we consume ourselves within our upper two modes of mind at the neglect of our (embodied) connect and care mode.

Where nearly all of us view a person's presenting behaviour as a true representation of whom they really are, the (Embodied) Connect and Care Theory sees unhelpful behaviours as clues to difficult experiences faced early in life that prevented them from receiving the full and rich, connected and cared for experience, that they were meant to receive. A shift from "What is wrong with you?" to "What happened to you?"

History

It was while working on a national suicide crisis line where I noticed that it was the most disconnected, depressed and suicidal who were also the most authentic and kindest people ever. They could take me with them into this profound mode of joining that arose in the absence of our words and feelings, a place of gratitude, where authenticity, vulnerability, curiosity, openness, acceptance, forgiveness and kindness arose to give them the permission to seek safety, security and hope. Interestingly, it was by stepping back from our minds construct that helped open our blocked inner neural pathways to share our (embodied) connect and care state beneath the mind.

In amongst these callers were the mislabelled Super Co-regulators (Appeasers) trying to fit into a world they were shaped into to serve others at the neglect of themselves. These highly sensitive and skilled individuals with early lived experiences of having to project safety and calm in the face of terror, family violence and or sibling dysregulation. Able to unconsciously convince a perpetrators nervous system that they were on their side, while remaining themselves, in an unbonded state of sadness.

The (Embodied) Connect and Care Theory & Interpersonal Neurobiology

Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) shows us a way of differentiating and linking our two upper brain modes to form a cohesive narrative of our past and move us towards healthy brain integration, awareness, vitality and well-being. IPNB might sound confronting but it is basically a way of understanding how the mind, body and our relationships with others and within ourselves, all shape our developing brains.

The (Embodied) Connect and Care Theory goes further to suggest a third mode, our (embodied) connect and care mode, a wordless mode that arises in the absence of nervous system reactivity while being guided by the care and trust of an authentic other, who can project an accurate representation of their own (embodied) connect and care interiority.

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